The Oscars are less than three weeks away, and this past weekend I checked off the last Best Picture nominee I needed to see. To reflect on all the films I’ve seen, I put together a horoscope style list describing what kind of person would enjoy each of these films.
I’ve ranked the films from most likely to least likely to win Best Picture, though after the first few the odds drop off dramatically. I’ve also linked our podcast reviews where applicable. You can listen to the first 30-40 minutes of an episode to get a more thorough — and spoiler free! — sense of whether or not you’d like the film. (Or, once you’ve seen a film, listen to the entire episode for a deeper analysis.)
Let me know which film best describes you in the comments below!
Oppenheimer (streaming on Peacock)
Image Credit: The Hollywood Reporter
You wear a t-shirt that says “I heart science.” Yet, you have deep concerns about the future of A.I. and want to sit at the bar talking to everyone else about them. You are weak to historical dramas but have been craving something more than the clichéd biopic. You find erudite men talking to each other in rooms riveting rather than boring. You think the devil is in the Senate hearing details. You loved The West Wing but its mildly elitist idealism hasn’t aged well for you. You appreciate abstracted montages, especially when they feature extended close ups of Cillian Murphy’s face. You may be a film bro.
(Read my written review here.)
Poor Things (in theaters now, available to buy at home Feb. 27)
Image Credit: NPR
If it were more socially acceptable, you’d wear a tiny top hat, goggles, a pocket watch, or puffy sleeves everyday. You listen to Thelonious Monk or Charles Ives without flinching. You love big dictionary words, and often use two when only one will do. You love Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, but wish it were more feminist. You adore Emma Stone because she’s a perfect weirdo. You have a wicked sense of humor. You occasionally dream of becoming an expat. You feel torn between modernism and the Victorian age. You are comfortable with sex and nudity, though you may not readily admit that in present company.
The Holdovers (streaming on Peacock)
Image Credit: The New Yorker
Every year, you buy egg nog as soon as it’s available at the grocery store. (Make that a double.) You wear a lot of wool. You smoke or engage in some other vice occasionally, even though you know you shouldn’t. You’re nostalgic for the 1970s. You grew up in New England and/or have friends who went to private school. You’re either a teacher or have very fond memories of one of the real ones. A Separate Peace and The Catcher in the Rye were your favorite books in school. You spend your days honing your pithy insult game. Smart and funny are synonymous to you. Still, you like to watch good people trying their best to do good.
Anatomy of a Fall (available to rent or buy at home)
Image Credit: The New Yorker
You watch reruns of Law and Order. You listen to true crime podcasts. And you don’t mind ambiguity when it’s elegantly employed. You like your coffee black and your wine red. You speak multiple languages and get frustrated by the limitations of each. You go skiing for the breathtaking view, not the exercise. You love messy relationships, especially if they’re not yours. You recognize that writers and artists are complicated people. You shop at IKEA and then wonder why your home doesn’t look like the catalogue. You love dogs (though everyone should love Messi the dog in this movie. He’s the best.)
American Fiction (available to buy at home, eventually streaming on Amazon Prime Video)
Image Credit: NPR
You listen to NPR. You shop at Whole Foods. You belong to a book club and are usually the first one done with the book. You loathe stereotypes. (Apologies for the irony there.) You come from a complicated family or like to spend your weekends with one. You relish smart people saying smart things. You like your fiction with a healthy dose of meta-commentary. And you prefer your social commentary in comedy form. You believe Jeffrey Wright has been under-appreciated and clench your jaw whenever they call him the guy from Westworld. You are self-aware re: the privilege of your bleeding heart and frequently acknowledge this. You may not always get things right, but you are trying.
The Zone of Interest (in theaters and available to buy at home)
Image Credit: The New York Times
You enjoy visiting modern art museums, and want history museums to be more like them. You want art to push you, to make you uncomfortable. You’re a voyeur at heart. You’d watch reality TV if it weren’t considered low brow. You keep trying to tell people that fascism is back and they only sort of believe you. You took at least one film class in college. You admire Stanley Kubrick. You understand that the sound is as important as the image in cinema. You are made of tough stuff and won’t look away when a scene gets grim.
(We just recorded our review of this and I’ll add the link later this week when it posts.)
Barbie (streaming on Max)
Image Credit: The New York Times
You frequently wear bright pink or secretly wish you had the guts to do so. You own multiple pairs of sunglasses. When you need something, you just order it on Amazon. When you’re goofy, you own it. You’ve been mansplained to. You’ve mansplained to someone else. You’re accepting of social commentary as long as it’s not preachy. You always think SNL is funny and don’t get why people say it’s not good anymore. You can’t easily sit through an entire Broadway musical, but you enjoy watching just the songs on Youtube. You are a fun, warm-blooded human!
Killers of the Flower Moon (streaming on AppleTV+)
Image Credit: LA Times
Nonfiction is the first section you hit up at Barnes and Nobles. You think about American history a lot. You watch a lot of old Westerns but then feel awful about how they represent Native Americans. You wonder if it’s still cool to like Dances with Wolves. You don’t mind graphic violence. You don’t need a mystery to stay engrossed in a story. You have a strong bladder or access to a pause button. You’re comfortable with Leonardo DiCaprio having bad teeth and an awkward part in his hair. Scorsese is King, despite throwing shade at superhero movies. And you are just not ready for the quiet power of Lily Gladstone.
Past Lives (streaming on Paramount+)
Image Credit: The New York Times
You own a lot of tote bags. You have a fish but you really want a cat. You’re part of a book club but you’re always the last one to finish the book because you have too much going on. You have tried to be a writer or live with one. You’re an immigrant or have a close relationship with one. Or maybe you’ve just moved around a lot. You have an irrational love for New York City. You have a childhood friend you yearn to reconnect with. Or you have multiple friend groups that rarely ever mingle. Your best conversations are quiet and intimate. For you, the concept of fate is simultaneously romantic and hokey. You have higher hopes for movie love triangles. Despite being accused of being a hot mess, you are a kind, generous soul.
Maestro (streaming on Netflix)
Image Credit: Variety
Your ideal first date is a night at the symphony. You love old black and white movies and find them to be terribly romantic. This might also mean you have a high tolerance for brash transatlantic accents. You had an eccentric music teacher at some point in your life, and they may or may not have rubbed off on you. You thrive on that prima donna energy. You are always happy to see Carrie Mulligan. You really want that crazy kid Bradley Cooper to finally win an Oscar. You cannot resist an actor’s transformation, aided by prosthetics. You own more than one item with Snoopy emblazoned upon it and want to know who abandoned him in the vestibule.